If, on the other hand, the caregivers have equated their own worth or sense of acceptability with adherence to prevailing cultural standards of acceptability, then the caregiver will tend to exhibit a lack of tolerance, patience, and kindness toward us and themselves when the standards aren't met. This This is likely to result in a tendency by us to equate the parental disapproval of our behavior with disapproval of us. Our sense of self-worth will be diminished, and we are likely to either stribe intensely to attain the prevailing standards or rebel against one or more of them. In either case, however, we will measure ourselves against these standards in one way or another.
It desirable to respect our parents as people in a position of responsibility who probably have done and are doing the best they can given the circumstances of their own lives. It is important, on the other hand, not to embrace any of their values which do not reflect a loving attitude toward themselves and others (especially toward their child). This means it is helpful to reject any hurtful behavior by our parents while trying to the best of our ability to accept them as people who have acted hurtfully out of their own immaturity, fear, or ignorance.