When we don't feel lovable, we often work real hard looking for love, and often "in all the wrong places."

Modern-day Pharisees look for love in a wrong place.

Those of us who are into strict adherence to some kind of religious doctrine seem to be trying to find acceptance through the competitive devotion to the rules of religion.

Yuppies may look for love in a wrong place.

We seem to be trying to find acceptance through prestigious jobs, homes, care, club memberships, graduation from prestigious colleges, having our children take music, horseback riding, dance, tennis, and more.

Do-gooders may look for love in a wrong place.

We seem to be trying to find acceptance through ostentatious (or this may be contrived humility instead) and often frenetically pursued good works like participation in a shelter for the homeless, Meals on Wheels, outreach to prisons, and more.

Academicians may look for love in a wrong place.

We often seem to be trying to find acceptance through a display of our industriousness and our knowledge by acquiring degrees and writing papers and books for a vitae and acclaim.

Fastidious housekeepers may look for love in a wrong place.

We often seem to be trying to find acceptance through extreme attention to maintaining cleanliness.

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Health enthusiasts may look for love in a wrong place.

We often seem to be trying to find acceptance through our adherence to what we believe to be the rules of fitness; for example, exercise, meditation, weight control, vegetarian diet, and more.

All of the activities mentioned above may have beneficial personal and social effects and are not undesirable in and of themselves.  They will not alone, however, provide us with a sense of being acceptable no matter how vigorously we pursue them. 

What we in these categories haven't discovered is that we can be lovable--we can be acceptable--without the excessive pursuit of these activities.  Being more relaxed about what we do, can still allow for an experience of agency in the world without diminishing our acceptance.  This will also allow us to enjoy more of what we do.

In our quest to gain love or acceptance through frenetic activities, all of us in these and similar categories can inadvertently contribute to our own suffering and to that of others in our various communities.